Attached to this show is the promo. If it sounds like something you’d like to hear give it a try at weekly.pulpaudio.com

I have gotten far enough into my writing to make it VERY apparent that I need not keep this a secret any longer: I’m rewriting the first two episodes of The Log Of The Crimson Lien as stories. I’ve already finished (first draft) Too Good To Be True which, for the most part, parallels the events in the episode you listened to way back in 2007. Wow. Was it really 2007?

I am probably halfway through the rewrite of Salvage, which I have renamed to The Relic. I did not want to release this final script, so as to maintain some surprise at the ending when you finally got the chance to read (or listen to from Podiobooks) the story in what I consider to be a much superior form.

However, unlike the first story this second story is diverging greatly from what you heard (and didn’t hear) on the podcast. It is so different - in fact - that I have no fears whatsoever of your enjoyment of the story being spoiled by reading the original script.

So, after the cut, you will find the working script we used when recording the doomed 3rd (and final) episode of Salvage, which was the second (and final - for now) Crimson Lien story.

Enjoy!

(( ACT 3 ))

————SCENE34
(last few shots and explosions)
(thuds)
CHUCK: Wow! That was close.
QUINCY: Good thing we blew the hole in the door *before* those guns came out!
CHUCK: Yeah. But this room only has one exit.
QUINCY: Hopefully, the guns were only shooting in reaction to the door being blown up.
CHUCK: Yeah.
QUINCY: Well, there are plenty of boxes in here. Let’s see if they’ve got anything good in ‘em.
(crate opening)
CHUCK: Whistles.
QUINCY: I guess that answers it.
CHUCK: These guns make ours look like pea shooters.
(gun charge sound)
QUINCY: Remember, they’re 500 years old, they may not…
(blaster sound)
CHUCK: (happy) They do.

————SCENE35
URSULA: I saw a flash on the screen.
JACK: I did as well, through the door they broke through.
BONNIE: Then they /did/ survive. They must be in that room. That’s the armory, right?
URSULA: Why would they fire a blaster?
JACK: Maybe one of them turned on the other.
BONNIE: We won’t be so lucky. They’re probably testing the weapons in there, and those weapons seem to work. They could be worth a fortune.
JACK: This whole ship is worth a fortune, if we can get it running.
URSULA: Captain?
BONNIE: Yes?
URSULA: We have a problem here…
BONNIE: What?
URSULA: These numbers here…
BONNIE: Yeah?
URSULA: They’re counting down.
BONNIE: And?
URSULA: And they represent time. About 29 minutes actually.
BONNIE: And?
URSULA: They weren’t counting down before those two shot through that door.
(pause)
BONNIE: What are you thinking?
URSULA: Well, the ship may have figured out by now that nobody’s actually in charge. And it’s been attacked.
JACK: It could assume that the prisoners have killed the guards, and are trying to take over.
BONNIE: Which would make it start a self destruct?
URSULA: Makes sense.
(pause)
BONNIE: Well crap.

————SCENE36
CHUCK: One crate then. I think we can handle that. It’ll only be hard for the first 30 or 40 meters.
QUINCY: Those 40 meters, I remind you, are straight up.
(Bonnie and Jack are over the loudspeaker)
BONNIE: Attention! Interlopers!
CHUCK: (surprised yelp)
QUINCY: Was that the pirate?
BONNIE: Yes. That was the pirate. You may call me Bonnie though.
CHUCK: Bonnie?
BONNIE: Yes.
QUINCY: Why?
BONNIE: Because that’s my name.
(pause)
CHUCK: Bonnie the pirate.
BONNIE: Look, we don’t have much time.
CHUCK: You may want to consider a name change.
(next 2 on same mic)
BONNIE: I can’t do this…
JACK: …Hello. This is Jack. I am first mate on the Scimitar.
CHUCK: There we go. Jack. Scimitar. Those are pirate names.
JACK: Yes. Listen. We have a problem.
QUINCY: What?
JACK: Your little light show down there in the armory has upset the ship’s computer.
QUINCY: Well, tell it we’re sorry, but we’re all done now.
JACK: I would love to, but it’s not in the mood to listen. You know this is a prison ship, correct?
CHUCK: Prison ship?
JACK: What did you think all those cages were for?
QUINCY: Of course!
CHUCK: When you think of it as a long room and not a deep pit, I guess the cages do kind of look like prison cells.
JACK: Yes. Wonderful deduction there.
CHUCK: Thanks.
JACK: So anyway, your shooting up the door to the armory has upset the computer…
QUINCY: We saw. It tried to shoot at us.
CHUCK: Or was that you?
JACK: (annoyed) Can I finish my sentence please? (pause) Thank you. The computer has decided to self destruct the ship.
(next 2 together)
CHUCK: What!?
QUINCY: What!?
JACK: And we have approximately 27 minutes to stop it. We’ve located the engine core and you are already halfway there. We’d have to rush to reach it in time, but you could make it with time to spare.
CHUCK: Even if we can get there, what can we do to stop it?
JACK: We’re working on that now. Hopefully, we’ll have something by the time you get there.
QUINCY: How can we know you’re not bluffing?
(pause)
JACK: You can’t.
CHUCK: And you’re pirates.
JACK: We are.
BONNIE: (coming back on mic) What can we possibly gain by lying?
CHUCK: Our inability to figure out your goals hardly means you’re telling the truth.
BONNIE: 26 minutes. Until we DIE.
(pause)
QUINCY: I really can’t think of why they’d lie.
CHUCK: Okay, where are we going?
BONNIE: (obviously relieved) To aft. We’re midship, you’re about halfway between mid and aft. We need you back where the engines are.
QUINCY: Gravity will be twice normal there.
BONNIE: I know. There’s no choice.
CHUCK: We do this, the relic’s ours.
BONNIE: We’ll negotiate that when you’re done.
CHUCK: No. We negotiate it now.
(afar)
JACK: Captain…
BONNIE: Fine. When this is over, we split the relic 50/50.
CHUCK: NO. When this is over, you leave.
QUINCY: Chuck…
CHUCK: Well?
JACK: 25 minutes.
BONNIE: Fine. Deal. You save our lives, this ship is yours.
CHUCK: Good. Quincy, grab an extra rifle. Let’s get moving.

————SCENE37
BONNIE: At the end of that corridor, take a right and…
(this time chuck/quincy are on the radio)
CHUCK: You mean down this pit, take a right. It’s 7 meters straight down you know.
BONNIE: This is the route with the shortest drops.
QUINCY: And we’re already at 1.2 gees. So that 7 meters is closer to 10 if we slip and fall.
BONNIE: Just do it, okay? We’ll check back in when you’re at the bottom.
(click)
JACK: I’m ready, captain.
URSULA: I wish it was me going down there. I can take those two.
BONNIE: Jack has high-gee training, and he’s a master of stealth. We need them to not know he’s coming, so when they stop the timer he can pounce on them right away. It’s the best way. Your time will come.

————SCENE38
(grunting)
CHUCK: 7 frickin’ meters.
QUINCY: It’s going to just get worse too. And we’re almost down to 20 minutes.
CHUCK: Great.
QUINCY: I think you should have taken their offer of splitting the ship half and half.
CHUCK: Quincy! They’re pirates! They wouldn’t have honored it.
QUINCY: What makes you think they’ll honor this one?
CHUCK: I don’t. But now I don’t have to worry about if /we’re/ going to honor it.
QUINCY: I just have a feeling that we’d have been better off.
CHUCK: We wouldn’t have been any better off.

————SCENE39
BONNIE: Happy hunting
(door close)
URSULA: 20 minutes.
BONNIE: I wish they’d have accepted splitting the ship in half. I was willing to honor that agreement. They seem like decent guys, and they /are/ saving our lives.
URSULA: They’re just too greedy for their own good.
BONNIE: Well, greed is the folly of man.
URSULA: Since when did man only have one folly?
BONNIE: (amused) Heh. (stern) And you follow that up with captain.
URSULA: (at attention) Captain. Of course, captain.

————SCENE40
QUINCY: The good news is, I can see the control panel.
CHUCK: And the bad news?
QUINCY: It’s on the far side of the room. Or, more accurately, it’s straight down.
CHUCK: Oh come /on/! We’re at a full 2 gees down here and the room’s 20 meters deep!
QUINCY: Well, I did say it was the bad news.
BONNIE: (over radio) Ten minutes.
CHUCK: (yelling) And that’s not helping!
QUINCY: Okay. I think we can climb down the wall.
CHUCK: Quince, we gotta weigh two hundred kilograms each!
QUINCY: Closer to 150, but yeah. I didn’t say it’d be easy.
BONNIE: Getting close to 9 minutes.
CHUCK: (yelling) At least we’re not on a time limit or anything!
QUINCY: (climbing down noises) let’s get going.

————SCENE41
JACK: (to self) That’s right. You two do all the work. I’ll be waiting up here to take you out when the timer turns off. Actually, I may have a better vantage point over… here. Yes, now that this room’s ceiling is a wall, these light fixtures make a perfect perch.

————SCENE42
BONNIE: (radio) Jack, don’t talk if you don’t need to, but I’d like a status report as we can’t find the video feed for the engine room. We’ve got 6 minutes, how are they doing?
JACK: (whisper) They’ve just reached the bottom now, and the Quillian is looking at the control panel. If I may make a suggestion, you may want to retreat to the shuttle. It is possible that they’ll only be able to cut the tractor beam, and not the self destruct.
BONNIE: We’re not leaving you, Jack.
JACK: I appreciate the sentiment, captain, but there is no way I can climb out of here in the time we have left. And there’s nothing you can do from there. It only makes sense.
(pause)
BONNIE: Aye. You’re right, first officer.
JACK: That’s why I’m first officer, remember?
BONNIE: (shaken but trying not to show it) Okay. We’re retreating to the shuttle. When you’re done, we’ll meet you there. I’m not quite ready for you to not be my first officer any more.
JACK: Aye captain. Understood.
BONNIE: (Now over loudspeaker) You have 5 minutes, guys. You may want to pick up the pace!

————SCENE43
CHUCK: (yelling) Oh shut it!
QUINCY: This is bad.
CHUCK: You’re only supposed to remark on when our situation actually /changes/.
QUINCY: No. This is really bad. The self destruct controls are locked. I could decrypt them eventually, but not in 5 minutes.
CHUCK: What about ejecting the core?
QUINCY: No, it’s locked down with a manual switch that’s only accessable from the outside.
CHUCK: So what other options do we have?
QUINCY: I’ve got controls over almost every other part of the ship. Engines. Environment. Gravity. Even the tractor beam. But there is no way to stop the self destruct.
CHUCK: Damn it, Quincy! We have less than 5 minutes!
QUINCY: We can’t even climb out of here in 5 minutes. We’re dead. Oh my God. We’re actually going to die. Wait. We can’t climb, but I bet we could run it in 5 minutes.
CHUCK: Oh, run up the walls?
QUINCY: No. Across the floor! If I turn on grav and inertial dampeners, we can /run/ back to the ship!
CHUCK: Genius!
(beeps)

————SCENE44
(next two together)
QUINCY: Woah!
CHUCK: Woah! The grav change always makes me…
JACK: (far away) Aaaaah!
(far away crash)
CHUCK: What was that!?
QUINCY: I think that’s a pirate!
JACK: Ow!
CHUCK: We gotta move.
QUINCY: He’s got a gun!
CHUCK: Use the console as cover!
(laser blasts)
QUINCY: Whew! That was close! Where’s our guns!?
CHUCK: Against the wall over there. We’ll never reach ‘em in time.
QUINCY: I’m gonna run for it, it’s our only chance.
CHUCK: Hold it! I have a better idea!
(beeps)
(next two togeher)
CHUCK: Woah!
QUINCY: Woah! Why’d you turn off the….
JACK: (far away, coming closer) AaaahwaaahwaaaahWAAAHWAAH!!!!
(very nearby crash)
QUINCY: Oh! Ow. That looked painful.
CHUCK: 20 meters at 2 gees… It was deadly.
(beeps)
QUINCY: And now to turn grav back on…. And now the tractor beam’s off… and we’ve got 4 minutes!
CHUCK: Let’s go!
(running footsteps)

————SCENE45
BONNIE: Jack!? JACK!
URSULA: The Scimitar has confirmed that the tractor beam’s off. And grav’s back. It was on, then off, but now it seems to be back on for good. But the countdown is still going. The ship’s going to blow in 2 minutes. Captain…
BONNIE: Damn it. DAMN IT! Scimitar, this is Captain Bonnie. Give us 1 more minute, then shoot the hangar doors and red line it directly away from the ship. You can pick us up after it blows. Hear that? 45 seconds from now.
URSULA: Captian! The access door!
BONNIE: It’s about time he… Wait… That’s them!

————SCENE46
(both panting)
CHUCK: Come on, ship… Open!
(door open)
(running footsteps up the ramp)
QUINCY: Close!
(door)
(more footsteps)
CHUCK: Okay, up to the bridge…
(waah waah noise)
(footsteps)
(flop in chair)
CHUCK: Engines!
(engines on)
QUINCY: Oh crap.
CHUCK: What?
QUINCY: The hangar door.
CHUCK: Oh crap. Think we can blast through it?
QUINCY: Not in the minute we have left
(Explosion)

————SCENE47
CHUCK: Hey! We have a minute still!
QUINCY: That’s not the ship! It’s the hangar door! The Scimitar must have…
CHUCK: I don’t care what it was, here we go!
(engines)
CHUCK: The pirate ship’s already red lining. Before I kick in the main drive, I need a red line as close to 90 degrees from them as we can get while still giving us a route to a jump gate or Voris.
QUINCY: Give me 30 seconds.
CHUCK: 30 seconds!? we’ve got less than a minute!
QUINCY: You want to do the math!?
CHUCK: Work away.

————SCENE48
BONNIE: You hear me!? Ignore us. We’ll fly clear! Your target is that ship!
PILOT: Captain, you ordered us to red line as soon as we blasted the hangar door. We’ve already committed our course. We can’t turn at this speed, and can’t slow until we’re sure of being clear of the blast and… Oh no.
BONNIE: Oh no?
PILOT: They just hit their own red line. 87 degrees off of our course. Captain, by the time we flip around, stop, recalculate our red line…
BONNIE: No. They can’t get away. They took our prize. They took half my crew. They almost took out the Scimitar. And Jack. They took… They took Jack…
URSULA: Captain, the relic…
(big explosion)
BONNIE: They took everything.

————SCENE49
CHUCK: Man. Quincy. That was some good red line calculating there.
QUINCY: Thanks.
CHUCK: And there’s no chance of them coming after us?
QUINCY: By the time they turn around and match our line, we’ll already be cruising. And we’ve got the distress call out so they’d be dumb to chase us very far. No, I think we’re good.
CHUCK: Amazing. And in 30 seconds.
QUINCY: and on 5 hours’ sleep.
CHUCK: Is that a hint?
QUINCY: I wouldn’t mind a nap.
CHUCK: You earned it, I’ll take us all the way to Voris. Looks like we’ll be a couple hours late on the mail.
QUINCY: (slightly amused) Which means we’ll get less money for the run.
CHUCK: Which means you were right.
QUINCY: (more amused) Nice of you to notice.
CHUCK: I can’t believe we didn’t get anything from the relic.
QUINCY: (very amused) Neither can I.
CHUCK: We even left the guns! And there were probably dozens of items we could have grabbed on the way back, but we didn’t have time. We were running so fast, and we barely made it out as it was. We just didn’t have time.
QUINCY: Actually, I managed to grab this.
(pockets noise)
CHUCK: Is that a mobile interface unit?
QUINCY: Yeah. And this.
(pockets noise)
CHUCK: A… What is that?
QUINCY: I don’t know. But it’s gotta be worth something. But that’s not the best part. I took something else. This.
(pockets noise)
CHUCK: A holographic datacard?
QUINCY: Yup. Full ship’s logs, probably everything that happened to it up ’til the war. I heard something like this sold for 50 grand at Graxil University.
CHUCK: I don’t get it, though. How’d you grab those things? We were at a full sprint…
QUINCY: No we weren’t. You only thought to take things on the way out. Me, I picked these up on the way /in/.
CHUCK: Niiiiiiice. So this whole thing was worth it after all!
QUINCY: Yup. Okay, time for that sleep. When I get up, I’ll plot our course to Graxil.
CHUCK: 50 thousand credits. I think things are finally starting to go our way…

————SCENE50
(music)
(announcer)

The storyline was inspired by “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” one of the more fun plays written by Shakespeare. The title was inspired by “Kiss Me, Kate,” one of the more fun plays not written by Shakespeare. I have no idea why I merged them together but hey, that’s the way it works sometimes.

Enjoy

KISS ME, KATIE
Stargate Cafe Episode 2.?

————SCENE1 (Rebel (5), Steve (3), Emma (2), Pete (1), Katie (6))
(Laser bolts, explosions)
01:REBEL: I’ve got to get to the hangar!
01:STEVE: Halt! You’re surrounded! Give up!
02:REBEL: I’ve got the plans to the Empire’s battle station, all I need to do is escape!
01:EMMA: What /is/ all that rukus?
01:PETE: It’s a rebel, he’s got some data tapes or something. He’s using our doorway as cover.
02:EMMA: Katie, could you…
01:KATIE: I’m on it.
(particularly loud explosion)
03:REBEL: Okay… If I take out that one soldier… I should be able to…
02:KATIE: Excuse me…
04:REBEL: What?
(laser bolts stop)
03:KATIE: Yeah. I don’t know if you noticed this sign or not…
05:REBEL: Sign? Look, lady… I’m kind of in a fire fight here.
04:KATIE: Lady? Anyway, the sign. No loitering.
(pause)
06:REBEL: Are you SERIOUS?
05:KATIE: Very. Only customers are allowed to stand around out here. Now, if you’d like me to get you something…
07:REBEL: Miss. I am part of the rebel alliance…
02:STEVE: And a traitor! Take him away!
08:REBEL: (fading) You… You… distracted me! The plans! I didn’t escape with the plans!
03:STEVE: Thank you, Katie.
06:KATIE: You’re welcome. Hey, you soldier boys don’t forget, at six o-clock we’ve got happy hour, half off all your drinks.
(general assent by the guards, some whistles)

————SCENE2 (Announcer (1), Pete (1))
(music)
01:ANNOUNCER: (Announcer stuff)
01:PETE: The Stargate Cafe is recorded in front of a live audience of cast members.

————SCENE3 (Geoff (1), Emma (5), Fred (5))
(Bar, busy)
01:GEOFF: Emma, my dear, a Stellar please, if you would?
01:EMMA: Sure thing, Geoff. (Yelling) Fred! (pause) Fred!?
01:FRED: Yeah?
02:EMMA: Stellar with cheese.
02:FRED: Hold it. Stellar. T… E… L… A… R… Cheese or not?
03:EMMA: *WITH* cheese.
03:FRED: With. Got it. Give me 10 minutes.
04:EMMA: (sighs) One minute, Fred.
04:FRED: One?
05:EMMA: Yes. If you let it sit for 10 minutes it’ll be charcoal.
05:FRED: Got it. One minute.

————SCENE4 (Geoff (7), Emma (7))
01:GEOFF: New cook?
01:EMMA: 3rd one this week. You don’t know what you’ve got ’til they’re gone.
02:GEOFF: Al was quite the cook. Oh well.
02:EMMA: What’s that you got there? You know we don’t allow outside food or drink.
03:GEOFF: (laughs) This? My dear Emma, this is not a drink. This is an illicit, illegal drug.
03:EMMA: Really? Should you be carrying it around?
04:GEOFF: I confiscated it from a nefarious individual down in basement Z. He was trying to sell it to an unwitting female.
04:EMMA: Unwitting?
05:GEOFF:
Yes. He *said* it was a love potion. Can you believe that? A love
potion. Who ever heard of such a thing. Preposterous.
05:EMMA:
Actually, they say Veneros-8 actually works. It has a pheremone
enhancer in it, so whoever takes it falls madly in love with the first
person they see.
06:GEOFF: Veneros-8? That’s what he called this stuff. Hmm. You really think it’s legitimate?
06:EMMA: Dunno. That’s just what I heard.
07:GEOFF:
Well, if it /is/ legitimate, then it’s even worse. Imagine if something
like this came in contact with the general public?
07:EMMA: Well, keep it close then.

————SCENE5 (Fred (9), Emma (10), Geoff (3))
01:FRED: I got your Jovian ready.
01:EMMA: Nobody ordered a Jovian.
02:FRED: You just ordered a Jovian. With cheese.
02:EMMA: Fred. I wanted a stellar.
03:FRED: Wait. Which one is a burger?
03:EMMA: The stellar.
04:FRED: Stellar. That’s what you ordered.
04:EMMA: YES. Is it what you made?
05:FRED: Yes it is. Here you go.
05:EMMA: He gets blaster bolts with that.
06:FRED: Oh. Yeah. Hold it. Right… here. There you go.
06:EMMA: Thanks Fred.
07:FRED: Can I take my break now? I have to…
07:EMMA: No. Here you go Geoff.
01:GEOFF: Ahh, thank you my dear.
(crunch of biting into something frozen. mabye iceburg lettuce0
02:GEOFF: Aaaagh! This is *frozen*!
08:EMMA: FRED!?
08:FRED: Yeah?
09:EMMA: You need to put it in the cooker for a minute… and then… TURN THE COOKER ON.
09:FRED: Turn it… oh man. I *always* forget that.
10:EMMA: Make another one. Geoff, spit that out. You may want to rinse your mouth out, that was uncooked meat…
03:GEOFF: (spit) I’ll be right back. (fading at end)

————SCENE6 (Pete (5), Emma (3))
01:PETE: Emma?
01:EMMA: Yeah, Pete?
02:PETE: I need you to make a Liquid Crystal for me. I still can’t get the lime to float on the Beetle Juice…
02:EMMA: Okay. Watch this side of the bar.
03:PETE: Got it.
(pause)
04:PETE: Hmm. Who left this bottle out? Just put you back… there.
(bottle clanking noise)
(pause)
03:EMMA: Okay. All done.
05:PETE: Thanks.

————SCENE7 (Fred (4), Emma (4), Geoff (1))
01:FRED: Stellar.
01:EMMA: Cooked?
02:FRED: (annoyed) Yes!
02:EMMA: With cheese?
(pause)
03:FRED: Hold on.
01:GEOFF:
Okay, my dear. I’m back. Is that stellar ready? I’ll need it to go, if
I’m going to get this bottle back to command… Where’s the bottle?
03:EMMA: It was right here.
04:FRED: Here it is with cheese.
04:EMMA: Bag it to go, Fred. Where is the bottle? Pete!

————SCENE8 (Pete (6), Emma (5))
01:PETE: Yeah?
01:EMMA: There was a bottle on the bar.
02:PETE: I put it back behind the bar.
02:EMMA: Where?
03:PETE: Over there.
03:EMMA: Which one was it?
04:PETE: I… don’t remember.
04:EMMA: You did it like thirty seconds ago.
05:PETE: A lot has happened in the past 30 seconds. Wait. It was… this one.
05:EMMA: You’re sure?
06:PETE: Of course I’m sure.

————SCENE9 (Fread (1), Emma (1), Geoff (1))
(bag)
01:FRED: Stellar with cheese. In a bag.
(bag)
01:EMMA: *thank* you. Geoff. Here you go. And here’s your bottle.
01:GEOFF: Thank you. Good day.

————SCENE10 (Pete (4), Holland (11), Emma (6))
01:PETE: Holland!  Good morning.
01:HOLLAND: Hey, Pete.  Gimme a shot.
02:PETE: Of?
02:HOLLAND: I don’t care.  What’s that bottle?
03:PETE: Dunno.
03:HOLLAND: Then one of those.
(pour, drink, glas on counter)
04:HOLLAND: Pah… Hm.  Not much of a kick to that one.
01:EMMA: Holland, I’m glad you’re here.  Your tab’s getting close to a hundred credits.
05:HOLLAND: I’ll… Pay… Hrm… This is odd.
02:EMMA: What’s odd?
06:HOLLAND: I never noticed, before.  The light.  When it hits your face…
04:PETE: Holland?  You feelin’ okay?
07:HOLLAND: My dear, dear Emma. I do not /believe/ I’ve ever been in the presence of a woman so fair.
(pause)
03:EMMA: This isn’t going to get you out of your tab…
08:HOLLAND: My tab!  My tab!
04:EMMA: A hundred credits.
09:HOLLAND:
Is that all?  For you, my dear, anything.  Would you… Could you?  I
shy from asking…  Emma, my dear dear Emma.  Would you permit me the
favor of a dance?
(pause)
05:EMMA: A… dance…
10:HOLLAND: Come, my sweet.
06:EMMA: There’s no musi-OH!
11:HOLLAND: (fading) Our love will be the only music you need!

————SCENE11 (John (12), Holland (3), Pete (11), Emma (9)
01:JOHN: Hey hey… HEY!
01:HOLLAND: Sorry, John!  Dancing here!
02:JOHN: I see that.  Pete?
01:PETE: Don’t ask me.  He was all normal and then started dancing.
03:JOHN: Oh… Kay…
02:PETE: So, what’cha need?
04:JOHN: Nothing.  I’m just stopping in on my way by.  Check… THIS out.
03:PETE: Oooh. A ring. Is that a /real/ faux diamond?
05:JOHN: Bona-fide.
04:PETE: I’m flattered.  But, I’m really not interested.
06:JOHN: (laughing) Shut up.  It’s for Bridget.  I’m going to propose.
05:PETE: Get OUT!  Really?
07:JOHN: Yeah.
06:PETE: Well congratulations.  Let’s have a drink to celebrate.
08:JOHN: Okay.
07:PETE: Here, let’s try this new stuff.
01:EMMA: (panting) No, Holland.  I’m done.  I really think you should go home now.
02:HOLLAND: The fire in my heart tells me to stay!
02:EMMA: Do /not/ make me call the cops, Holland.
(pause)
03:HOLLAND: All right.  Until we meet again, my dear.  My dear, dear Emma.  Emma.  My sweet.
03:EMMA: Don’t forget the hundred credits!  Oh my pod, Pete, I need a stiff drink.
08:PETE: Pouring.
(pouring, swallowing, glass on counter)
04:EMMA: Pah. Hm.  Not much of a kick to that one.
09:JOHN: Hey, Pete, let’s have ours, too.
05:EMMA: John.  My word you’re looking good today.  I /do/ love a man in uniform.
10:JOHN: Oh, thanks.  I mean, it is just the Gal-Ex uniform but, HEY!
06:EMMA: (giggle)
11:JOHN: You *pinched* me!
09:PETE: Emma?
07:EMMA: Pete.  Leave us.  I need to make a *special delivery*
12:JOHN: Pete, I think I’m gonna take a rain-check on that drink.
08:EMMA: Where are you going?  John!  Come back!
10:PETE: Emma!
09:EMMA: He’ll be back, right?  He’ll be back.  He has to be back.  I’m going to go freshen up.  Watch the bar, will you?
11:PETE: Um, sure…

————SCENE12 (Pete (9), Katie (7), Fred (1))
(drink pour)
01:PETE: Wow.  Of all the things you thought you’d never see…
(gulp, glass on bar)
02:PETE: Pah… Hm.  Not much of a kick to that one.
01:KATIE: Pete, I need a double Jovian with a side of bolts.
03:PETE: Double… Jovian…  Wow.  Katie.
02:KATIE: Yeah?  Come on, Pete.
04:PETE: Have we really been working together for a year, that I never noticed your eyes?
(pause)
03:KATIE: Pete.  The order.
05:PETE:
I’ve never seen fairer.  And to think, that fateful night I had you,
all to myself.  We were as one and I, the ultimate fool, chose to pass
on the bliss that could be ours!
04:KATIE: What the *blog* are you talking about?
06:PETE:
Katie Jones.  Please tell me if I’m being too forward but… My heart
is afire.  I fear it may explode yet welcome the risk.
05:KATIE: You’re not going to place this order are you?
07:PETE: I burn for you, Katie.  I /yearn/ for you.  I need you, and need you to feel the same for me!
06:KATIE: This isn’t funny any more.
08:PETE: Kiss me!  Kiss me, Katie!
07:KATIE: (scream, fading)
(tray crashing to ground)
09:PETE: Nooooo!  Don’t go!
01:FRED: Hey!  She already had her break!  No fair!

————SCENE13 (John (7), Pete (7), Emma (5))
(Bar, quiet)
01:JOHN: Hello?  Is it safe?  Emma’s not around is she?
01:PETE: Yeah.  It’s safe.  Ow, my head.
02:JOHN: What came over her?
02:PETE: I don’t know.  Look, the bar’s closing.  Katie ran off after I… After… Oh man.  I don’t know what came over me.
03:JOHN: What?
03:PETE: I like… TOTALLY fell for her.
04:JOHN: Fell for… her… like /fell for her/ fell for her?
04:PETE: Yeah.  I just… Wow. It was really weird.
05:JOHN: But you’re over it?
05:PETE: Yeah.
(door)
01:EMMA: Oh, my head.
06:JOHN: Hold it, Emma.  We need to talk, see…
02:EMMA: Don’t worry, John.  Whatever it was wore off. I’m… Really sorry.  I mean… you’re cute and all but…
07:JOHN: Well, it /is/ understandable…
03:EMMA: (laughs) Yeah.  Right.  Anyway.  Pete, how’d the bar go?
06:PETE: It was fine.  Until Katie left.  Thank /pod/ it was a slow night.  It was just me and… Fred.
04:EMMA: Which reminds me.  Where is he?  I need to fire him.
07:PETE: It’s 9:01.  He left 5 minutes ago.  Look, I’m going to bed.  When Katie comes back, tell her I’m sorry.
05:EMMA: For what?
(Pete’s door)

————SCENE14 (Emma (5), John (6), Katie (2))
01:EMMA: Sorry for what?
01:JOHN: Nothing.  Actually, where is Katie?
02:EMMA: I don’t know.  Why do you need her?
02:JOHN: I wanted to show her the ring I bought for Bridget.
03:EMMA: Ring?
03:JOHN: Yeah.  I’m gonna propose tonight.
04:EMMA: Wow.  Big steps.
04:JOHN: I know.
01:KATIE: What big steps?
05:JOHN: Katie!  Come here.  We need a bottle of something to celebrate.
05:EMMA: Here, take this one.
02:KATIE: What’s going on?
06:JOHN: I need to show you something.

————SCENE15 (Geoff (2), Emma (2))
01:GEOFF: Excuse me?
01:EMMA: Geoff?  We’re closed.
02:GEOFF: Has anything… Odd… Happened today?
02:EMMA: As a matter of fact, it has.

————SCENE16 (Katie (2), John (2))
01:KATIE: (gasps) Oh my /pod/.  It’s /beautiful/!
01:JOHN: And then, I’m going to go down on one knee…
02:KATIE: She’s such a lucky girl.  (pause) To… you know… get a ring this nice.
(pause)
02:JOHN: Thanks.

————SCENE17 (Geoff (1), Emma (1))
01:GEOFF: The bottle I took to headquarters was Cholian rum.  Good year, too.
01:EMMA: So… Wait a second… It makes so much sense now.

————SCENE18 (Katie (3), John (2))
01:KATIE: So, ready for your liquid confidence?
01:JOHN: Yeah.  What should we toast?
(two pours)
02:KATIE: To… To…
02:JOHN: To finding the right one, finally.
(pause)
03:KATIE: Yeah.  Bottom’s up.

————SCENE19 (Geoff (3), Emma (6), Katie (5), John (3))
01:GEOFF: So, where’s the bottle now?
01:EMMA: Let’s see.  Holland took a drink… Then I did… It was tall and clear glass… And… Oh no!  KATIE!
01:KATIE: Yeah?
02:EMMA: Don’t drink that!
02:KATIE: We already did.
03:EMMA: Don’t look at each other!
03:KATIE: We… already did.
04:EMMA: Now, John.  Don’t do anything rash. Remember Bridget, okay?
01:JOHN: What are you talking about?
02:GEOFF: You’re not feeling anything?
04:KATIE: Like what, exactly?  This stuff’s not even that strong.
05:EMMA: Weird.  It hit me right away.  And it was almost uncontrollable.
05:KATIE:
Look.  This whole day’s been nuts.  Emma, you need a good night’s
sleep. John, have fun making your life happy.  Geoff, you do whatever
it is your’re doing right now.  I need something real to drink, I’ll be
in Supernova’s bar if anybody needs me, drowning my sorr… My day. 
Forgetting my day.  Good night.
02:JOHN: And I gotta go too.  Emma,
I wouldn’t order any more of this stuff, it’s got no kick, and doesn’t
even taste all that good.
06:EMMA: Okay.  Good night.  Good luck.
03:JOHN: Thanks.  Geoff.
03:GEOFF: Good night, John.
(door)

————SCENE20 (Emma (9), Geoff (8))
01:EMMA: What just happened?
01:GEOFF: Was the cap off?  Maybe it lost its potency?
02:EMMA: I kind of liked the taste.
:GOEFF: What did it taste like?
03:EMMA: Here.
(2 pours)
02:GEOFF: Do you think that’s wise?
04:EMMA: Sure.  It’s lost its effect.
03:GEOFF: Well, all right.
05:EMMA: To the craziest day of my life.
04:GEOFF: Cheers.
(clink, drink)
05:GEOFF: Pah.  Hm.  Not much of a kick at all.
06:EMMA: Geoff.  Have I ever told you…
06:GEOFF: Told me what, my little peach plum?
07:EMMA: How much I absolutely *adore* a man in uniform?
(fading)
07:GEOFF: Oh my.  I don’t believe you have. Have I ever told *you* how… (embarrassed) your bum makes my heart go wild?
08:EMMA: (giggles) Geoff!
08:GEOFF: That’s Leftennant.
09:EMMA: You *dog*.

————SCENE21 (Announcer (1))
(music)
01:ANNOUNCER: (announcer)

————SCENE22 (John (11), Bridget (12))
01:BRIDGET: John, why do you have that look on your face?
01:JOHN: Just hold on Bridget.  We’re almost to the sun room.
(door)
02:BRIDGET: It’s empty.
02:JOHN: I bought it for the next half hour.
03:BRIDGET: John!
03:JOHN: Come on in.
(door)
04:BRIDGET: What do you have in mind, Johnny?
(beeps)
04:JOHN: Beach… Sun… Breeze…
05:BRIDGET: (Gasps) It’s just like Halstor!
05:JOHN: Where I told you…
06:BRIDGET: That you were falling in love.
06:JOHN: And tonight, instead of telling you something, I’d like to ask you something.
07:BRIDGET: Yes?
07:JOHN: See… I bought this box…
08:BRIDGET: Yes?
08:JOHN: And I’d like to get down on one knee here in front of you, and open it…
09:BRIDGET: (gaps) Yes?
09:JOHN: And take this ring out, here, and place it on your finger…
10:BRIDGET: Oh Johnny…
10:JOHN: And ask you…
11:BRIDGET: Yes?
11:JOHN: Katherine Jones, will you marry me?
(pause)
12:BRIDGET: WHAT?!?!

(larger version)

PRC Season 2 Episode 15

The Log of the Crimson Lien, Episode 2, Part 2 Bloopers

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“MacDonald Of The Isles March To Harlaw - Source Of The Spey - ThePeriwig”
from “Celtic Roots”
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Maggie’s Music

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PRC Season 2 Episode 14

The Log of the Crimson Lien, Episode 2, Part 2

Chuck and Quincy go from the frying pan to the fire.
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“MacDonald Of The Isles March To Harlaw - Source Of The Spey - ThePeriwig”
from “Celtic Roots”
by Hesperus
Maggie’s Music

The file isn’t on my site, so there’s no player, but you can download it from this link right here:
A Pickle For Christmas

I hope you don’t feel put out by this, and I surely hope you enjoy it. If you’re not one of the several faiths that religiously celebrate the holiday (I am not either) or are one of the plethora of faiths that don’t celebrate it at all (I’m not in that group) please take this as meant: A fun poem and collaborative effort by the podcasting community.

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PRC Season 2 Episode 12
Bloopers for The Log of the Crimson Lien 2.1
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PRC Season 2 Episode 11

The Log of the Crimson Lien, Episode 2, Part 1

Chuck and Quincy stumble on a priceless relic from the ancient past. Will they profit from the discovery or find some way to mess it up?
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PRC Season 2 Episode 08
Bloopers for The Log of the Crimson Lien 1.3
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PRC Season 2 Episode 7
The Log of the Crimson Lien, Episode 1, Part 3 of 3
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PRC Season 2 Episode 6
Bloopers for The Log of the Crimson Lien 1.2
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PRC Season 2 Episode 5
The Log of the Crimson Lien, Episode 1, Part 2 of 3
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Special Thanks to Barry Cullum from Barely Podcasting for his voice.

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PRC Season 2 Episode 2
Bloopers for The Log of the Crimson Lien 1.1
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Hiatus Show #5

Introduction to The Log of the Crimson Lien, part 5 of 5

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Hiatus Show #4

Introduction to The Log of the Crimson Lien, part 4 of 5

Promo: Variant Frequencies

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Hiatus Show #3

Introduction to The Log of the Crimson Lien, part 3 of 5

NOTE: We’ve changed the number of shows from 4 to 5 to cut down on episode length a bit.

Promo: 7th Son / JC Hutchins

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Hiatus Show #2

-Introduction to The Log of the Crimson Lien, part 2 of 4

Promo: Destructomundo!

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-Introduction to The Log of the Crimson Lien, part 1 of 4

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The bloopers will be next week.

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Special Guest Star: Mignon Fogarty from the Absolute Science Podcast

Special Guest Star: Patrick Fogarty from the Armchair President Podcast

Correction: I said Patrick’s show was the American President Podcast, when of course it is the Armchair President Podcast. Sorry, Pat!

Nuff Said

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The drought is over! More Stargate Cafe is here!

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This show’s promo: The Round Table at The House Of The Harping Monkey (Also our special guest star!)

Show Notes (Yes, we have show notes!):

Songs:

1. Spenser - Declaration of Apathy
2. Shannon Campbell - One Day
3. Suburban Legends - Desperate
4. Shannon Campbell - Blind
5. Suburban Legends - Waikiki

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This show’s promo: Absolute Science (Also our special guest stars!)

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This show’s bumper: The Round Table

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This show’s bumper: Absolute Science

This show’s promo: Spaceship Radio

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This show’s bumper: House of the Harping Monkey

This show’s promo: Podcast Pickle Podcast Directory

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This show’s bumper:
Zip. Nada. Zilch. Too busy. Busy busy busy. Can’t you see I’m working here?

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This show’s bumper:
Absolute Science

Or something.

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This show’s bumper:
Audio Pandemic

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This show’s promo:

Lynne’s SciFi

I was off on the numbers I reported in the show. When I reported 10 gig of downloads and 100 listeners, they were correct, but that was 2 whole days ago and we’ve got more of both. Tomorrow or Sunday, I’ll more officially report the numbers, but think 13-14 gig, 110-130 listeners. w00t!

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17 minutes and change.

For bloopers.

Enjoy.

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Enjoy

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