Wesley’s Personal Blog

This just popped into my head the other day so I figured I’d get it out there. It’s a complete story in it’s own right even though it feels like part of a larger story. I don’t expect it to ever go anywhere, mostly because it’s too much like the TV show “Archer” (which you should all be watching)

Agent Jack Taylor had to admit: He’d gotten beat. Somehow, the agents of R.A.G.E. had infiltrated the H.O.M.E. base, and had taken him - and his entire team - by surprise. The RAGE agents had tricked the security system, taken out the guards, infiltrated the building and had a dozen HOME employees at gunpoint.

Bjorn Elkhorn - flanked by his elite guards - grinned with pursed lips. The scar over his right eye wrinkled as he spoke. Jack couldn’t tell if Bjorn was angry or simply gloating. Probably both.

“So, Agent Jack Taylor,” Bjorn said. His nondescript Eastern European accent thick and heavy. “We have beaten every aspect of your pitiful agency, except one thing: The safe combination.”

Jack scowled. “Over my dead body.”

Bjorn pulled a pistol from under his shirt. “That,” he said simply, “can be arranged.”

Jack steeled himself. He was prepared for death. Every HOME agent had to be.

“But that would not work too well, I think,” continued Bjorn. “If you are dead you will not tell me, right? So here’s how we will do this. I will kill your coworkers at random until you tell me. Not one an hour. Not one a minute. Just one by one. You see, I’m in a hurry, no?”

Jack glanced around the room. Luckily it was late in the day and most of the employees had gone home. However, his entire team was here: Sheila, the explosives expert who he’d always had a thing for, met his eye and for a moment he thought - just maybe - she had a thing for him as well. Then there was Will, their tech guy. He was probably already working out how the RAGE agents had broken his custom-made security system, and trying to figure out how to get it back online. Holly, the blackbelt weapons expert, was sitting trapped at her desk - too far from the action to begin an attack. And there was “Haul Ass” Mackenzie, the crazy Canadian ex-con who led their team. He was lying face down on the floor right in front of Bjorn.

In addition to those there were a few clerks, the receptionist, and some others that Jack didn’t even recognize. Innocents, they’re called.

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“So,” said Bjorn, as cool as he could be. “Will you miss her?”

Jack blinked. “I actually don’t know who that was. I think she worked in accounting or something.”

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“You can end this at any time,” said Bjorn.

“I’m not sure who he was either.”

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“Look,” Jack said, “You’re really going to have to do better than this…”

Bjorn scowled. “Fine, how about him?”

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“I think that was a courier. He doesn’t even work here.”

“Jack,” said Sheila. “That was Robbie from H.R.”

“Oh. I hated him.”

Bjorn was getting angry, now. “How about her?”

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“Really!” Jack yelled. “Why are you just shooting ancillary characters? There are only two…”

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“…one of them left. The 5 of us are the main characters. Hell,” he said, pointing at Holly and Will, “those two are sleeping together. Just threaten one of them and the other will probably crack!”

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

“There, are you happy? You wiped out the entire set of extras. Are you done? You know you can’t kill us. We’re the main characters.”

Bjorn screamed, anger and hatred in his eyes. He was desperate. He raised his gun.

BLAM! A body hit the floor.

Jack blinked. He was shocked. Amazed.

“That was one of your own men!”

Bjorn yelled defensively “I wanted you to know I was serious!”

I’m sure something similar to this has been done before - and possibly better. But hey, it was getting in the way of the rest of my creative processes so I had to get it out.

Wesley Stuff, Writing

I just deactivated my Facebook account. When I signed up a couple months ago, the purpose was twofold. First, I thought it would be a good place to announce books, podcasts, or whatever else I happen to put out into the world. Second, almost everybody in the world is there and I figured maybe, just maybe, they knew something I didn’t.

I was wrong on both counts.

That, and a few other things that annoy the hell out of me, is why I deactivated my Facebook account. I could not be happier about my choice.

First and foremost, I never found their blogging option satisfying. I have a blog. You’re reading it. Why should I shuffle it off to another site so you can read it there too? If you comment there, nobody will see it here. If you comment here, nobody will see it there. It splits my blog into two pieces and that’s just plain dumb. So, I had to lose one of them. Why not lose this one and keep the blog on Facebook? Well frankly, anybody can see this blog. That’s its purpose. Only my “friends” can see my Facebook blog (Unless they changed that privacy setting) and that’s counter to its purpose. Also, I enjoy being on this site but abhor Facebook’s interface.

Secondly, I found out quickly that all those people on Facebook do NOT know anything I don’t. They just use the Internet differently than I do. They want a walled garden. I don’t. They want their water bottled and I want it straight from the hose or, preferably, the fire hydrant. I can filter it myself and don’t want it filtered for me. Also, I have no desire to play any of the games and I have no desire to be advertised at about the games. I finally don’t want to have to hide every single game on the site individually because they constantly advertise at me.

Also, and this is the worst part but I’m just going to say it: I don’t actually care most of the time what people say. Sorry. I don’t. On Twitter it’s easy to merge the stuff I care about with the stuff I do not, because each comment is short. If someone is posting a lot of comments, I can just stop following them. I have a reason: They broke the rule. 140 characters or less, and if you need significantly more don’t use Twitter. On Facebook, you just have to ignore it. Or hide the person’s posts. But if you’re hiding their posts why exactly are you following them (Sorry, “friending” them) on Facebook in the first place?

And then there’s the pictures. I don’t care if people know what I look like. If I ever get famous enough to need privacy, I’m sure I’ll be rich enough to afford it. I do care a bit though about my public image. I have no control of my public image on Facebook however because I don’t control what other people tag me in. In particular I’m talking about the fact that - at the time I deactivated my account - well over 90% of the pictures of me were at a bar. Do I spend an excessive amount of time at the bar? Maybe, maybe not. It’s none of your business, unless you’re one of about 2 people in the world (one of those is me). However, when I’m out with friends - at a bar - that’s where the pictures get taken. And posted to Facebook. And tagged to my account. Outside of my control.

And finally, there’s the HighSchoolery. I hated high school. I don’t like cliques, or gossip, or drama, or anything along those lines. I want to enjoy myself and maybe get something creative or fun accomplished. Facebook is loaded with the former and does nothing at all to help with the latter. It’s a boring time sink that actually hurts some of my relationships because either I’m ignoring people (Because I don’t actually use the site all that often) or I’m not interacting correctly with them (because I don’t use the site, don’t care, and don’t want to put the time into learning) or others (as if you have the right to even voice an opinion on who I interact with and how. Only about 2 people have any say in that and I’ll give you a clue: They’re the two people I mentioned in the last paragraph).

Note I didn’t say anything about privacy, or getting “Zuckerpunched,” or ownership of content. I don’t care about that crap because I never said anything on Facebook that I wouldn’t say aloud on a street corner. I never put any content that I cared about there, and don’t feel that the company failed on any perceived promise to me. I abandoned the site, primarily, because it was - as I had expected it would be when I tried it - less than useless to me; it was actually detrimental.

I’m sorry this post went on so long. I don’t have time though to write a shorter one.

Wesley Stuff

This is part 12 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCPKBF is the final cache we found on our short trip to Texas in the Spring of 2006. It didn’t drive us away from the state, but it could have.

Who doesn’t love Summer Fun? This cache seemed right up our alley so we trudged into the wooded lot with happy abandon. Forgotten were the dangers of muskrat traps. This cache was rated low and we were ready for an easy victory.

Remember how I said that lower rated caches can sometimes be less fun? Well here’s a perfect example of that. If there was any more trash strewn around I’d have thought we were in a landfill. If we didn’t stumble upon a fire pit I’d have thought that the only purpose for this several-acre plot was to dump garbage. Luckily, we found the cache quickly and easily, noted with amusement that the site was listed as “Family Friendly” (Hey sonny, drop that syringe. You don’t know who it’s been in), and made a b-line out of the area.

As is common when Geocaching, we left the area along a different line than the one we came in on, and directly in the line of our new track was a cooler. It was in pretty good shape and I - being the pack rat I am - thought instantly that it’d be nice to have for keeping things cool. I opened it to see if it was in as good shape inside as it was on the outside, and recoiled in horror at what I saw:

Bones.

Now, I’m no biologist. Nor am I a medical examiner or medical professional of any kind. But I know instinctively the rough size of the Human hip bone, and human bones in general. The bones in this cooler - and the hip bone in particular - bore a striking size resemblance to my own bones. My human bones.

One of our party who knows a bit more about this stuff than I do assured me that they were probably (Probably!) pig bones, perhaps from a garbage-fueled barbecue the night before. I was by no means sure but could see myself on the evening news, being laughed at by locals for calling the cops when “all that there was was some pig bones.”

So we left the cooler where it was. I presume, if the young lady who in my mind had previously used those bones to hold her body up was in fact real, that someone else found them and reported them to the authorities. And that poor soul was the one made fun of by the locals. But all that - assuming it ever happened - was well after I was safely back North where our serial killers have the decency to bury their victims in shallow graves.

Next time, we return to the relative safety of Ohio, and the relative coolness of one of the best multicaches I’ve yet encountered.

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 11 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCTKA9 is possibly one of the most memorable cache placements I have encountered; possibly THE most memorable I’ll ever encounter. Not that it is (or was, as the cache is no longer available) a particularly GOOD experience. It was just a memorable one.

On the corner of route 45 and Needham road in The Woodlands is a Best Western Inn. We parked in the rear corner of this hotel’s parking lot and trudged into the woods behind it. The trek wasn’t bad - about what you’d expect from a 2.5 Terrain rating. We reached Ground Zero with few issues and began our search.

There was trash strewn around. There was a construction site nearby and we were exposed to any number of “Muggles” seeing us. It was hot. We were not having fun.

We decided fairly quickly that we would not devote too much time to this one. So I was happy when, just minutes into our search, I located the cache at the base of a shrublike tree. I grabbed the box, pulled it out, and then saw what it was sitting on: a rodent trap.

This was not a simple box trap, or even a mouse trap. This was a claw trap. It had sharp spikey teeth and a pressure plate (that the cache had been sitting on) and it HORRIFIED me that I had my hand in there fiddling around about one second BEFORE I saw it.

Maybe, I thought, Texas caching wasn’t for me.

Join us next time when we have ANOTHER disturbing Texas caching experience that would drive any sane person back to their home state in a jiffy. But not us, no. I said sane.

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 10 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCQ34W is another cache I don’t remember. If I am remembering correctly, it was in one of those small parks that they scatter through housing complexes with benches and swing sets.

Assuming this is that one, then the cache was hidden in the sign that told us the park’s name. There were several unmemorable caches in the Woodlands, however, so I cannot guarantee this is that one. I can, though, guarantee that this was one of the unmemorable caches :)

One of the down sides to Geocaching is the occasional lame cache. Especially in the lower numbers of terrain and/or difficulty. The good news (for you, the reader) is that we are quickly working our way through the lower numbers and soon all that will be left are the larger numbers.

Next time, we visit one of those larger numbered caches, a bramble-infested hunt with a scary finish. See you then!

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 9 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

Firstly (and quickly), sorry about not updating recently. I was on vacation and spent a decent amount of time not thinking about the Internet :)

In March of 2006, 4 members of Team Retcon picked up and drove South about 1200 miles to Houston, TX to visit my brother and my parents. Of course, we did some Geocaching while down there and GCQYYB was our very first out-of-state cache. With our new-found love of Multicaches, it seemed appropriate to start with one of those.

The first thing we noticed about Texas (which, really, should have been apparent) is that it is not Ohio. In Ohio, when a tree falls in a forest not only does someone hear it, but the tree remains on the ground for years. Possibly decades. In Texas, trees rot in - apparently - a matter of days if not hours. So, one of the more common hiding places in Ohio (well over half of all hides if you count stumps which also seemed to rot while we watched them in Texas) was simply not available. We were required, therefore, to relearn all of our caching strategies.

For the first stage of this multicache, however, that was not even close to the problem. Our problem was a fence, separating us from the first stage. This fence seemed to stretch the width of the state (and in Texas this is a bad thing) but we eventually found the end, and then made our way ALL THE WAY BACK to the location, where we quickly found that the marker for the next cache was - indeed - on the fence itself and easily accessible from both sides. It was a small coin-shaped piece of metal with coordinates punched into it. Simple. Easy. I like simple and easy.

We tromped our way to the second stage: A pedestrian overpass over the nearby Grogans Mill Road. Midway across we found another coin-shaped metal piece with more coordinates. Like automatons we plugged these coordinates into the GPS and made our way quickly to the third and final stage, and the lovely ammo can hidden there. One thing that seems universal no matter what state you’re in: Ammo cans are by far the best cache container. Say what you will about Lock and Locks (I personally think they’re great), the simple, durable ammo can is the cache of choice for me.

We dropped a postcard from Ohio (Seemed appropriate) and took a notepad (Also appropriate. We forgot ours in the hotel :) ). And then we were off to the next cache!

Next time, we check out another cache in the Woodlands (An area we will revisit several times throughout the years). See you then!

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 8 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCM0DN was our final search on the day that started in Part 5. We had saved this one for last because, as a multicache, we were hoping it would be the best. It would cap off our so-far successful day.

On the way to the cache from the previous find, I stepped on a patch of ice that was covered in a light dusting of snow. I only mention it here because I recovered stunningly and was quite proud to not end up on my behind.

Anyway, on to the cache. We arrived at the first stage as the wind picked up, blowing across the nearby frozen lake, and seemingly through our clothes. We were well dressed for winter caching, but there comes a point where you just should not be outside. We were somewhere near that point.

The location was a bridge over a frozen stream. Unlike the last stream, this one had steep gravel sides that were not completely frozen. The gravel dislodged under foot and revealed sludgy, sloshy mud underneath. This, along with the blisteringly-cold wind, cut our efforts short.

The cache had a hint, and we decoded it with shivering hands that numbly held the pen to paper. It was obvious what the hint led to: A rock, possibly a hide-a-key.

We glanced down at the hundreds of rocks under and around the bridge, and decided to throw in the towel before it, too, was frozen solid.

On January 7th, I logged the following on Geocaching.com: Spent about 20 minutes in the snow looking for stage 1, then gave up and read the clue. It was far too cold, snowy, and muddy to actually check what the clue said, so we’ll have to return to this one in the spring or summer time.

2 weeks later, we decided spring was too far away. We returned to the site on a just-as-cold day and began our search anew. We very quickly found the rock, which led us to stage 2. Stage 2 was laughably easy, as was the third and final stage.

Success!

Next time, Team Retcon leaves the comfort (and cold) of home for our first out-of-state cache!

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 7 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCHVNJ is the third dog-themed cache that our intrepid “Team Retcon” searched for on a cold winter day. The first two were unremarkable duds (You read about them) but this one was a surprising bit of fun. In Part 6, I detailed briefly a highly rated cache that failed to live up to its promise. Today, I’ll tell you of a lower rated cache that easily overstepped its rating.

We arrived at Silver Springs park in Stow, fresh from the park that held the previous two hides. We were bundled against the cold and steeled for a hunt. We were still fairly new to this activity but our confidence was rising with each successful find. We were not to be daunted!

We left the parking lot on foot and entered the woods, GPS pointing the way. It was quite a hike up a slowly rising hill, but eventually we reached ground zero. There were many potential hiding spots: Downed trees, stumps, and root systems near a small, frozen creek. We discounted the creek area because with a terrain of 1.5 you really should be able to simply walk to the cache and not clamber over, under, or into anything.

However, as each potential hidey-hole was eliminated we became increasingly aware that the creek was a really good source of hiding locations. We had just learned the lesson that sometimes people over-rate their caches, so perhaps this cache was under-rated. Luckily, being Winter the creek was not muddy or even wet. We began examining the banks, looking under roots and fallen logs.

No luck.

At some point, I decided to re-check the GPS. I had no reason to. Up to this point, it had at least been consistent if not 100% accurate. I was shocked to find that, while it had not 10 minutes before stubbornly pointed at a specific location, it was not just as stubbornly pointing almost 40 feet away, on the opposite side of the creek!

I figured that I’d give the little yellow bundle of electronics the benefit of the doubt, and followed it to the new ground zero. And there, hidden in plain sight exactly where the GPS led me, was the cache.

Next time, we have another Multi-cache and the first (but not the last by far) re-visit to a cache that we had failed to find the first time. See you then!

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 6 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCK9HD is another cache in the secluded, wooded area in the Twinsburg/Hudson/Streetsboro area in Northeast Ohio that housed the cache I detailed in part 5 of this series.

Remember last time when I said the higher the difficulty rating, the more I enjoy the actual cache? Well, this cache is the exception to that rule. Difficulty 3 (2.5 too) caches are where things start to get fun. You start to find tricky multicaches with puzzles. You start to find unique hides and cleverly camouflaged containers (Oooh! Alliteration!). Speaking in a more general fashion: With higher numbered difficulty ratings you get more FUN.

Not so with this cache. It was a simple hide. An easy hide. I actually didn’t bother searching in the final hiding spot right away because I figured that was far too easy. Ironically, this made the cache a little harder to find than it should have been had it been rated correctly.

Could this be a meta-rating? I don’t give the hider that much credit. I just think the difficulty’s not set correctly. Don’t let that stop you, though. This park’s worth the hike and - when it all comes down to it - a cache is a cache.

I promise a better story next time, as I find a much easier rated cache with a much more difficult (and therefore fun) caching experience. See you next time!

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff

This is part 5 in an 81 part series entitled “81.” In this series, I am detailing my finds of 81 unique Terrain/Difficulty combinations of Geocaches. For a better explanation of exactly what I’m doing (Or to start the journey at the beginning) check out The first post in the series.

GCP3NP is a cache in a secluded, wooded area in the Twinsburg/Hudson/Streetsboro area in Northeast Ohio.

Sadly, while I remember the park (and would love to go back. I should make a point of it soon!) I do not remember the cache. The park - while small on the map - had quite a number of twisty trails that went up and down some impressively steep hills. There was a fireplace and chimney - all that was left of some hundreds-year-old house - and a creek that needed crossed. It was quite fun and - up to this point - my favorite “getting to the cache” experience. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it’s also tied with the hardest terrain I’ve searched in so far. I have found that - in general - the higher the terrain rating, the more I enjoy the hike. Likewise, you’ll soon see that (again in general) the higher the difficulty rating, the more I enjoy the actual cache.

But those are tales for other times. I said that some times these blog posts would be short, and this is one of those times. Stay tuned, though. As we clear out these lower rated caches we start our forays into more interesting territory. Things will only get better!

Wesley 81, Geocaching, Outdoors, Stuff